haha. Ok, so we girls have this little joke. When a girl has been nagging and brings up that she's been feeling weird lately you can throw out the sarcastic comment "Are you pregnant?" and then you kinda look at each other and go "PSH! LOL!" It's not a big deal. A lot of my friends are abstinent. Or if I'm with Holly one of us will probably throw back another sarcastic remark like "YES! It's Rufus Wainwright's love child." It's funny. It's rediculous. Neither of us are sexually active, and even if we were Rufus Wainwright's gay. I couldn't sleep with him if I tried! lol. oh man.....
The point... I'm too old for that joke now. I'm at the age where friends ARE getting pregnant. CRAP.
I opened today at work. I was with a co-worker and she's been bringing up that she's "hormonal" about 10 times a shift. She was ASKING for this joke... Maybe I'm just a sarcastic jerk. She didn't go in to work the other day because she was sick. I said it.... Why did I say it??..... "Ha. Are you pregnant?"
I'm such a jerk....
She looked startled. She didn't expect THAT question. She looked up with slightly teary eyes. I can't explain them. Her eyes. They were... Scared. Worried. Confronted. Tired. Teary. She looked like she was going to- for lack of a better word- Confess.
"...Yes."
WHAT DID I DO?!!!!
"Oh my gosh.. I'm SO sorry. Are you ok?"
She stood there. She was looking at me. No, looking through me. It was a blank stare. She was weary after saying one word.
I gave her a hug. I'm too old for that joke.
We talked for a long time. She opened up to me. She didn't mind. She was venting.
"He said he loves me. He sees himself with me. He sees us with kids. Just ..... Not right now."
"What is that supposed to mean?! You can't stop now."
"An abortion."
"... Oh."
Oh my gosh. I'm supposed to minister to this girl.
We talked on and off about it for the rest of my shift.
Thank God she doesn't want an abortion. But she doesn't want to lose her boyfriend either. Adoption, she said, was not an option either.
The scary thing is that she is still contemplating if staying with her boyfriend is worth this abortion.
She's dreamed of having a family all of her life.
He said that if she kept it he couldn't be there 100% for her. He's honest. An honest jerk.
I was just trying to encourage her at first I guess.
"You're going to be such a great mother." I wasn't just buttering her up. She really is. She's SO loving and giving. She's financially burdened, but she never saves for herself. She saves to bless her friends with stuff they've been needing.
She gave up drinking about six weeks ago as a form of empathy for her friend who's also pregnant. What a blessing she did. She's six weeks along and drinking during the first six weeks can do the most damage.
God just put it on my heart to tell her that He already loves that baby so much, and He already has plans for it.
She knows I'm a Christian, and I know that she isn't. Before I left I was able to tell her that. She smiled at me. I don't know if she took it in.
Honestly, I wanted to add in that she shouldn't give up the family she's already started (that she's always dreamed about) for a guy that is conditionally there for her. That's a little much though.
I don't really know what to think. It makes me so happy I'm abstinent. haha. I'll just keep praying for her.... Maybe we'll have a shift together soon.
"Oh my gosh. I'm too old for that joke! Girls my age REALLY are getting pregnant!"
"LOL. Yeah. We can't do that one anymore!"
